Things NOT to say on a Cryptocurrency Podcast (while your Mum is watching)
What an insane end to series one that was! And most definitely our most downright dirty edition so far.
Another huge thank you to Mary-Anne for providing the transcript, and of course, I can’t thank our guests enough; Mitja Goroshvsky, Edmund McCormack, Utsav Jaiswal, and the ever enigmatic, Eugene Morozov.
Noam: how much coin could a Shitcoin shit if a Shitcoin be the Shitcoin, stuff like that.
Eugene: Could coin?
Edmund: Coin.
Mitja: Could coin shit.
Edmund: I think Robert Frost said that once.
Mitja: Yeah.
Benjamin: Is that Robert Frost?
[laughter]
[music]
Benjamin: Hello everyone, and welcome to NeverMind the Shitcoins. I’m Benjamin Bateman. What is NeverMind the Shitcoins, you asked? Well, I’m glad you did.
We’re a brand new quiz, comedy panel show thing, all about cryptocurrency and blockchain, where we poke around at the news and the weird and wacky stories from the world of magical internet money
Eugene: Wrong description.
Benjamin: Wrong? Oh correct me, dude, while I have a lovely sip.
Eugene: I think while you’re having that little sip, we have no idea what this is about and which way it’s going.
[laughter]
Benjamin: Well, if you can call me a captain, I’m trying to steer the ship, Eugene. I’m trying. But yeah, I have a couple of stories to give you. For example, this week, have you heard the news that Vitalik Buterin has been making himself a lot of friends on Twitter today?
In what he described as an experiment, directly quoting, he’s been answering questions from just people he follows on Twitter all-day. My favorite one.
In reply to a question about his biggest regrets so far, apart from all his controversial and fucking weird tweets, ironically, he tweeted, “My biggest regret is the whole 8 Ethereum co-founders thing.” In other words, you can kind of read between the lines. He’s saying Charles Hoskinson is a twart. That’s how I read it.
[laughter]
Benjamin: Cheap shots, cheap shots, cheap shots. In other news, and it’s good to have the man, the myth, the legend here himself today. Is it a bird? Is it a plane?
No, it’s a very terrible and corny leading to the news. Free TON has broken the world’s fastest blockchain transaction per second record.
[applause]
Edmund: Yes.
Benjamin: Yeah, beating Solana, and registering a whopping 64,000 transactions per second, I believe was the figure. Our very own Mitja Goroshsky had this to say. He said, “I’m busy. Fuck off and stop asking me stupid questions, Ben. You are a twat.”
Mitja: That sounds like me.
Eugene: That’s him right there. Why don’t you talk to him?
[laughter]
Benjamin: That’s a very good time to introduce our guests tonight. Edmund, signals, you’re new around these parts, as they say. I’m going to stick you with our very own old hats Eugene Morozov. You guys can be team Proof of Work-Its.
[applause]
Edmund: I enjoy when you do the American accent.
Benjamin: Work it. Work it. On team Proof of Pudding, we’ve got Mitja Goroshvsky and Utsav Jaiswal. Yay. Welcome to the show, everyone. Thank you for being here. Right. I’m going to put you on the spot now Mitja, whilst you’re looking away talking to someone else.
Mitja: To my dog. I’m talking to my dog.
[laughter]
Dionne: You’re forgiven.
[laughter]
[crosstalk]
Mitja: I washed him unfortunately before the show.
[laughter]
Benjamin: Well, that even cues me and even, even better. It appears NeverMind the Shitcoins is getting a sister show, they call them, don’t they? Mitja, do you want to give a little plug for our upcoming projects, experiments?
Mitja: That’s out of the belly kind of thing, because I totally didn’t expect to do that, but we are planning a show. There will be three hosts, won’t announce them now. It’s a show and a token. The show will be about getting new projects on Free TON funded live.
The team will present their project and the subscribers to the show, we’ll drop them some governance tokens when they subscribe and then they can stake these tokens and vote with these tokens for the projects. We will collect the votes live.
Then we will provide liquidity to their token on a decentralized exchange called Flex, which is exchange that TON has developed. It’s the fastest decentralized exchange in the world or currently is with the record-breaking. It is also the same basically. It’s 64,000 transaction, more or less.
The podcast will launch its own liquidity pool. This liquidity pool, once the governance tokens holders decide on the show, then we’ll provide liquidity to the token of the project.
It’s not yet confirmed anything like the numbers and so on, but I think it will be quite good. We’ll basically help new projects to launch their tokens on Free TON.
Edmund: Ramble. Ramble. Shark Tank. Ramble.
Benjamin: Think Shark Tank, think Dragon’s Den, think podcast, think Mitja, a Simon Cowell even. It’s going to be good though. It’s going to be good. Can we reveal the working title yet? It’s going to be called The Barking — Oh, oh no. He’s nodding. He’s shaking.
Mitja: Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead, okay.
Benjamin: The Barking Blockchain is the working title. Keep an eye on for it, guys. Excellent. Right.
Another quick, quick thing before we get started, obviously it’s the end of Series One this week, and a huge, huge thank you to everyone who’s been watching, and subscribing, and listening to the podcast, and everything so far. Honestly, it’s taken off a lot quicker than I ever thought it would. Thank you, basically.
By way of thanking everyone who’s been listening so far, we will be doing a huge end-of-series-one giveaway. I’m going to give away a little bit of Bitcoin. We’re going to give away some TON Crystals.
I’ve got some very fucking cool Never Mind the Shitcoins t-shirts, and yeah, a couple more other prizes. If you want to take part in that and you want to win some prizes, tune in to the podcast and check out our Twitter, basically because that’s where it’ll all be happening.
[music]
Round One: Not the News
Benjamin: On that note, round one, are we all ready to play guys? Yeah, we know which teams we’re on. Edmund and Eugene, the Es, and Utsav and Mitja. Right. Round one is very, very simple, and pretty much always the same every week. Simple Round One for you.
I’ve got a couple of headlines from the week’s cryptocurrency on blockchain news events, usually a couple of the weird ones, to be honest. I’ve pinched a couple of words from the title just to make it trickier.
All you guys have to do is tell me what the headline is, preferably what the missing words were, and a little bit about the story. First one for you, the US SEC sues {beep beep} the same two words, {beep beep} over alleged $2 billion crypto-currency fraud.
Edmund: May I say Binance?
Benjamin: Ooooh. I’ve got a soundboard. Why am I saying things with my own mouth? Ooooh. No.
Eugene: Who else did they sue? They sue somebody all the time so I wouldn’t be surprised if an announcement like that would be relevant everyday this week.
Edmund: Is it Ripple Labs?
Benjamin: He’s coming in with a good guesses. Ooh, it’s another Ooh. No. Think a little bit of an older kind of story, this one. You’d have imagined everyone involved would have already been in jail, to be honest [laughs].
Eugene: Is it foundation?
Edmund: That’s pretty long.
Benjamin: Big, big, huge, huge one. You’re going to kick yourselves when I tell you. It was the US SEC sues BitConnect’s founder over alleged $2 billion cryptocurrency fraud, our good old BitConnect. However, I said it.
Eugene: I wonder what took them so long.
Benjamin: Oh yeah. Apparently it’s only just getting, it’s just desserts. What was possibly the most obvious fucking Ponzi scheme in the world ever, BitConnect was infamous for the means of hypeman Carlos Crypto Matos who hilariously is still actually working in crypto and bragging about being the face of BitConnect through a series of NFTs.
[laughter]
Benjamin: Question two. Cryptocurrency investing has a big [what] problem? One word, this. Cryptocurrency investing has a big [something] problem.
Mitja: Perception.
Benjamin: Perception? It’s a very sensible answer, but it’s wrong.
[laughter]
Utsav: Regulation.
Benjamin: Regulation? Again, all good answers but —
Mitja: Liquidity.
Benjamin: No, I don’t think it’s liquidity at the minute, to be honest. The fish are flowing really.
[laughter]
Mitja: Not really.
Benjamin: There’s definitely enough people trying to hide their money.
Utsav: Compliance.
Benjamin: Compliance, no. On this panel, we’ve got a 5:1 ratio on this show tonight.
Mitja: Oh, women.
Benjamin: Yay, there we go. Where’s me clapping. I suck with this sound ball, by the way, guys. Hey.
[applause]
Benjamin: Close enough. Close enough. Apparently, cryptocurrency investing has a big gender problem.
It seems, and I am sorry to be the one to say this, I’m going to duck in case Dionne tries to throw anything at me, but with twice as many men as women in crypto, the fairer sex really just aren’t pulling their weight nowadays it seems.
I know they’re busy juggling families, careers, and dealing with thousands of years of oppression and war caused by male egotism. But I thought they were supposed to be good at multitasking. Hey, come on.
[laughter]
[music]
Benjamin: End of round one, what are our scores, Dionne? She looks at me like I’m going to get hurt later.
Mitja: You must do it on the show already.
Dionne: [laughs] We have one to Mitja and Utsav, and two to the Es. No, sorry, zero. I was thinking two Es. Zero to the Es.
[laughter]
Edmund: We tried so hard.
[laughter]
Eugene: Why did they get the point? They just say —
[laughter]
Eugene: Let’s skip that completely.
[laughter]
[music]
Round 2: Play Your NFTs Right (quickfire)
Benjamin: The little introduction, of course. NFT stands for Now Fucking Trending. We’re not above trying to play to a trend so our lovely NFT artist of the show, Dionne, is going to describe three NFTs for you all. [laughs]
Dionne: What? [laughs]
Benjamin: I didn’t tell her she was doing this before. Yeah, you are. Yeah, you are.
Eugene: And you’re going to show —
Benjamin: No, no, it’s a podcast so we have to describe it through our words in this one. All I’m going to do is, in teams, I want you to give me a price for each NFT, and closest to the real price.
That is the most recent bid on the NFT wins the point. Simple. Dionne, if someone just wants to athlete for a second while I send her the file and she swears at me behind the camera.
Eugene: We can dance in the meantime.
Edmund: I just want to give him the mic for the next hour, and just watch this.
Benjamin: There we go. I’ll mute myself as Dionne where you go into Play Your NFTs Right.
Dionne: I hate you, Ben.
[laughter]
Dionne: It’s very simple. It’s very plain. It’s on a black background. It’s the simplest food you’ll have in the cupboard. You slice them up, and you take a picture of each of them apparently, and put them on the internet. [laughs] That’s it. That’s literally it.
Mitja: Oh yeah.
Utsav: Cut up a bread.
Mitja: 100,000 ETH. [laughs]
Dionne: Piece of bread.
Mitja: 100,000 ETH. 100,000 ETH.
[laughter]
Mitja: A little more, I think. More, it is 120, I think something-ish. $500,000 I think that’s the —
Utsav: One million.
[laughter]
Benjamin: I’m going to undercut. You only got $1 like Price Is Right. $1.
[laughter]
Utsav: We’re not averaging.
[laughter]
Benjamin: Eugene, Edmund, you’re going for ETH, if you can.
Edmund: Yeah, I’m going to go 2.5 ETH.
Benjamin: And Utsan, Mitja?
Utsav: I said.
Benjamin: A million ETH.
Mitja: 100,000 ETH.
[laughter]
Mitja: Let’s stick with that answer.
Benjamin: Alrighty. [laughs] It might as well be. The price on this one was 0.2 ETH.
Edmund: Who’s the closest?
Benjamin: You guys, 2.5 ETH is a lot closer than 120 ETH I think.
Eugene: Yes.
Edmund: There it is.
Eugene: Yes. Team. Team.
[laughter]
Utsav: While marketing those guys could have said, it is the best thing since sliced bread, like sliced NFT —
[laughter]
Benjamin: Right. Let’s get through this. Dionne, if you will. NFT, number two.
Dionne: Number two. It’s on a black background. Oh, this one looks like it’s got a little bit of a chunk missing out the top. It’s the second slice out of the loaf. [laughs] Trying to think of any differences, a bit more shade, a bit more shadow on the one side of the loaf.
Mitja: There’s a side details?
Dionne: You go, you’ve got some more crumbs over the one side. No, that’s it. Another slice of loaf.
[laughter]
Edmund: I would love to know what his browser history looks like, finding these NFTs?
[laughter]
Benjamin: Oh, you mix this with the end round crypto and you endo. I think I’m on more than one watch-list to be fair, mate.
[laughter]
Benjamin: It’s nice to be watched.
Mitja: Nice to know you, Ben. Nice to know you.
[laughter]
Benjamin: So just keep it nice and simple, higher or lower for slice of bread number two, guys?
Eugene: Even higher.
Benjamin: Mitja, you just looked very confused and angry.
Mitja: I’m looking confused. I’m not angry at all.
[laughter]
[crosstalk]
Mitja: It’s a really hard to make me angry.
Benjamin: It’s like this beautiful life-changing technology and your photographing bread.
Mitja: If the six months of last curve didn’t make me angry, believe me no anything in the fucking world can.
[laughter]
Eugene: Believe me guys, we tried.
Benjamin: Oh yeah. I really tried.
Mitja: They’re trying every day.
Eugene: We pinched this guy. We pinched this guy, hey, hey, I got a question.
Mitja: My favorite, when. My favorite question is when.
[laughter]
Eugene: When?
Benjamin: When this, Mitja. When that, Mitja.
Mitja: I’d say my favorite question in all questions about technology, like when. That’s the only question you can never fucking ask whatever you do. It’s the question that’s just unanswerable completely.
[laughter]
Benjamin: On that note. When are you going to give me an answer, Mitja? Answer the question.
[laughter]
Benjamin: Higher or lower?
Mitja: I would say higher.
Benjamin: Higher. Higher. Higher. You all have a lot of faith in this bread, but I don’t know. I think as Dionne said, this one’s missing a chunk. It’s just 0.09ETH for this piece of bread, apparently.
Mitja: It’s all logical and predictable. It’s really boring. It’s really boring. Like, how do you price NFT, oh this one misses a part, must have been lower.
[laughter]
Benjamin: Well, there is a reason I’m getting Dionne to do this, to be fair. I was going to let her have a little plug for own range of NFTs after, if she wants but, on that note.
Dionne: This one’s a little bit more unique. It’s a little bit smaller, still a black background, but more crumbs on the one side. But it’s the middle scabby end piece that gets no loaf. That’s about it. [laughs]
Mitja: What’s the question?
Benjamin: High or low is the question. Will the uniqueness of it being the scabby end piece? That little bit, which is so awful piece of bread, really.
Mitja: I’ll just make, Utsav, just, can you just fucking do that for me?
[laughter]
Mitja: So sorry for that, Mitja.
[laughter]
Benjamin: Right. I didn’t get an answer then. Sorry, guys. Did you say higher, again, Utsav? Or did you say lower?
Mitja: Let’s go with lower this time for the scabby.
[laughter]
Benjamin: I wouldn’t pay that for a scabby piece. Well, you are right to say that my friends. Yeah, that one was nothing. No, no one wants the scabby end piece, apparently, which —
Mitja: Utsav, I told you, I know —
[crosstalk]
Eugene: Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
Mitja: Because of the statement really logical, like if the first is higher, the second is misses the pieces it was lower, and the third miss two pieces or something, it should have been lower, right?
Eugene: Because there was no buyer.
[laughter]
Mitja: No buyer meaning, take your curve, just go like this.
[laughter]
Benjamin: If an NFT list on a marketplace —
[music]
Utsav: It’s zero on the curve.
Dionne: After Round Two we have Mitja and Utsav on two, and Eugene and Edmund on one.
Mitja: When was the second one? Dionne, there’s something fishy going on.
Eugene: She favors you. She favors you, clearly.
Mitja: Okay, Ben need to worry, I think, or not, or not, or not.
[laughter]
Round 3: Around the World, Bitcoin Bumble, Ban or Embrace
Benjamin: Round Three then guys, Round Three. You’ve made a pretty penny with your cryptocurrencies and your Bitcoins and your NFTs, and you fancy a nice little jolly holiday, don’t you? But where do you go on holiday, is the question really?
Which country is going to welcome your SATs with open hearts? Let’s find out as we play around the world, bubble, ban, or embrace. Nice and simple one for you, again, this guys. I’m going to give each of our teams, in turns, three countries to choose from.
One of the countries will be very pro-cryptocurrency. My mics there. One of them will be very anti-cryptocurrency, and one of them will just be a confusing mess. Mitja and Utsav, you’re in the lead so we’ll give it to Edmund and Eugene first. Your three countries, fellows?
Eugene: Mexico.
Benjamin: No, no, no. I name the countries.
[laughter]
Benjamin: I name the countries.
[laughter]
Edmund: Let’s see how many you can name in the world.
Benjamin: Yeah, in fact. Damn. Missed the trick then. Just name all the countries for me, Eugene. [laughs]
Your three countries are then guys, you’ve got a good old Blighty, the United Kingdom, Germany, and Turkey. Which one is the banned, which one is embrace, and which one are the bubbles?
Eugene: Banned in Turkey. Embraced in Germany. Confused, Britain.
Benjamin: Boom. Boom.
[laughter]
Edmund: Right answer.
Benjamin: Clean sweep, clean sweep. The next three for you guys are Gibraltar, Egypt, and The USA.
Eugene: Who answers, who answers?
Benjamin: It’s their turn, Eugene.
[laughter]
[crosstalk]
Mitja: Egypt is banned. Gibraltar is good, and the US is confusing, I would say.
Benjamin: There we go. Well, straight sweep again. You guys know your international regulations. [laughs]
[music]
Dionne: Right. We have Mitja, Utsav on five, and Eugene and Edmund on four.
[applause]
[crosstalk]
Mitja: We knew we were done for it.
Eugene How did you know?
Mitja: That’s always happened to the teams that’s come first.
[music]
Round 4: How Much Coin would a Shitcoin coin if a shitcoin could coin… coin?
Benjamin: How much shit could a Shitcoin coin, if a Shicoin coin could coin coin? The ICO on Mania of 2017 was crazier than a dinner party with Kanye West, and Britney Spears, and Shia LeBoeuf sounds.
For those of us who didn’t get burned by the 98.999% of ICOs, which went on to do absolutely nothing, it was a lot of fun, I think. I had a lot of fun.
Mitja: Of course, some of us were in that 1%.
Benjamin: Yeah, exactly. Yeah. I wasn’t, but I still had fun.
[laughter]
Benjamin: But yeah, I’ve got some extremely ambitious ICOs or you could just call them barking, fucking mad projects from backing to dev teams.
All you need to do is, in your teams, come to some sort of consensus agreement about what this project was planning or trying to do. Simple enough.
Mitja: This is going to be fun.
[laughter]
Benjamin: First one for you. Oh, and Noam joining us as well. Hey, Noam.
Noam: Hi.
Benjamin: My mum’s favorites. How are doing buddy? [laughs] You can join me in fact-checking with us this week. The first one, our teams for you to work out, we’ve got, it is called TombCare. T-O-M-B-C-A-R-E.
Edmund: To take care of your place of burial.
Eugene: I’m going with that.
[crosstalk]
Eugene: I just want Edmund to run point on this.
Benjamin: [laughs] Yeah. Stick with the man, Eugene. Mitja, Utsav, what you think, TombCare?
Utsav: Probably like they would go there and maybe clear the leaves off your tomb. They would do that for years and they would have some, didn’t have sticking and all of those before 2017, so probably affects supply coin, value would increase because of demand, and probably the value will rise. Your grandsons could make money off of it.
Benjamin: The way you describe it, buddy, how the fuck did it fail, man? I wonder.
[laughter]
Benjamin: I didn’t want to sound too astounded, but nail on the head, guys. I thought it might’ve been something to do with tomb raider, or I don’t know, finding old treasures maybe, but no, you’re right.
It was an ICO to make sure that random strangers put flowers on your grave for hundreds of years after you’ve died. It was something to do with GPS coordinates and people with an app getting random, like you say, payouts from a fixed supply deflationary coin, which can only ever go up.
[crosstalk]
Benjamin: Absolutely batshit.
Eugene: I know why they fail because they like to spend the money elsewhere. That’s all.
[laughter]
Benjamin: I think that’s why most ICOs failed in 2017. [laughs]
Edmund: I would like that to be my answer on every question moving forward.
[laughter]
Benjamin: I bet the founders of the project have very nice headstones set aside for themselves.
[laughter]
Benjamin: But yeah, on that note then, our next one is a WhopperCoin. What or who, or what the fuck was a WhopperCoin?
Edmund: Burger King.
Eugene: Yes, I was going to saythe same thing.
[laughter]
Benjamin: Well, yeah, this was pretty much the obvious one, guys. It’s only obvious if you know the answer or you eat too much Burger King, really.
[laughter]
Utsav: Thank you for shaming us.
[laughter]
Benjamin: But basically the scheme was, you had to eat the burgers to collect the WhopperCoins. Then if you collected just 1700 WhopperCoins, you got a free Whopper.
Edmund: That’s why I put the video up in my shoulders because there’s a lot of sad underneath it.
[laughter]
Benjamin: Right. Third one, Prodeum, Prodeum, I don’t know how you pronounce it. P-O-R-D-E-U-M. This is another one, if you know, you know.
Eugene: I think this was about daily routine, or food, or maybe nutrients.
Utsav: You said it so confidentially.
[laughter]
Benjamin: Eugene says everything confidently, Utsav. Eugene saying healthy eating, nutrition, any other Prodeum? Mitja, you look like you’re hating the world more question by question.
[laughter]
Eugene: It’s like let me go back to —
[laughter]
Eugene: It sounds like a medication.
Benjamin: [laughs] Medication, goes kind of —
Eugene: It goes kind of, I don’t know, something to do with gastrilian things. I don’t know, I guess —
[laughter]
Eugene: Let go of that.
Utsav: Why do you have to give a fake name for thinking like Prodeum?
[laughter]
Eugene: It sounds like a module or stuff like that.
Benjamin: That would be most specific ICO ever, wouldn’t it? Both very good answers, but unfortunately, no. Again, you probably heard the story, but it was a weird one. Prodeum were promising to revolutionize fruit and vegetable supply chain industry issues.
You were close Eugene, but no cigar, but they only really gained any sort of fame or notoriety after raising a massive, and get this, they raised a huge $11 with their ICO, just $11, and then replace their website with just the word penis. Just the word penis.
[laughter]
Benjamin: Leaving their $11 worth of investors furious.
[laughter]
Benjamin: Fucking only in crypto, man.
Eugene: I’d say, great story. Great story.
Mitja: We failed first.
[laughter]
[crosstalk]
Mitja: It’s a classical fail sport story, and every startup that fails fast need to put penis on their website.
[laughter]
Benjamin: It should be. I think it should be.
Mitja: From now on, it’s like the must.
Benjamin: We should start an ICO to buy out dead ICO websites to replace their website with just the word penis.
Eugene: That’s $5 million to do that.
Mitja: I would say you need to do the same with the not-failed ICOs as well.
[laughter]
Benjamin: Just replace the ICO website.
[laughter]
[crosstalk]
Mitja: Replace the website with the word, Penis.
[laughter]
Mitja: Because at the end they did exactly the same, except for a little bit more money.
Edmund: Be careful Craig Wright is going to claim ownership on that idea.
Mitja: I’m sure he would. Don’t start him on Craig Wright.
Benjamin: We haven’t even begun on Craig Wright tonight.
[laughter]
Utsav: Guys, this is why Crypo had a gender problem.
[laughter]
Benjamin: Apparently, my girlfriend is the only one in the room.
Mitja: Wow. Wow. I have an alternative for the business for you to know.
[laughter]
[music]
Round 5: Crypto Innuendo
Benjamin: What are our scores?
Dionne: We have a tie, six each.
Mitza: I knew. I knew that that’s a winner.
Benjamin: Wait for the win.
Mitza: It’s coming. It’s coming.
[music]
Benjamin: You feel the love tonight, can’t you? You can feel the love. The end of the series, love. There’s love in the air because we were about to play crypto in your window.
If you’ve heard the show, you know the name of the game by now if you’ve been listening to the show. It’s a little bit naughty. It’s a little bit nice. It’s always kind of oddly satisfying, but in a shameful way. Two questions, one answer.
Our example from last week, which was nice and fun, proper name for Mr. Fake Toshi and rhyming slang way of saying a very small willie. If you jam those two answers together, what do you get?
Eugene: SatoWillie?
Benjamin: Fake Toshi, so it’s Cray Wright Teeny-Weeny. Hey. Yay.
[laughter]
Benjamin: The inspiration for the awesome range of NFTs.
[laughter]
Benjamin: I’ve literally sat in a house 40 odd hours at least this week, she spent just drawing cartoon penises. I know I’ve had to be the loving supporting boyfriend going, that’s a very nice penis.
Eugene: To replace those websites?
Dionne: To replace the websites.
Benjamin: There you go. If you buy the NFTs, you can use them, there we go. We’ve got a business. We’ve got a damn business again. I love this show.
Mitja: Was it on bread? Was it on bread?
[laughter]
Benjamin: Penis sandwiches.
[laughter]
Benjamin: She was racking her brain for a background for them, but no, the bread slipped us by ah, that’s genius size. All right. That was our example from last week.
Now, in celebration of this being the end of the series finale spectacular, and also me receiving my very first bit of hate mail this week —
Honestly, I’ve received a bit of hate mail. I’m so happy about this. Apart from a tease us related hate mail, which I’ve received a lot of it for a short while but —
Eugene: Did they threaten to sue?
Benjamin: Unfortunately, no. I think it was just one of his fans, unfortunately.
[laughter]
Benjamin: In celebration, all of this, we’re going to make this one a little bit dirtier than usual so like say pre-warning, if anyone’s easily offended this round isn’t for you. At the same time, I’m going to make it a little bit easier for you guys.
All of the answers for the cryptocurrency part of the question are, the Aussie Pinocchio prep himself, Craig Wright. Yay. If we don’t get sued this week, we’re fucking served.
There’s no sort of to a protocol to this. Just shout out your random sex words and stuff as they pop into your head.
Eugene: Wait. Wait. Apart from the judge, we have only men on the show. Come on, all men doing the sex jokes.
[laughter]
Benjamin: Question one for you guys, who once forged a 2001 pre-Bitcoin whitepaper draft? And what’s the name for being turned on by octopus’ arms or legs, or whatever they’re called?
Eugene: Where did you get that from?
[laughter]
Dionne: Don’t ask.
Benjamin: Yeah, don’t ask.
[laughter]
Eugene: Tentacles.
Benjamin: Yeah, tentacle.
Eugene: Tentacles.
Edmund: Craig Wrightacles.
Eugene: Wrightacles.
Edmund: Wrightacles.
Benjamin: Yeah, Craig Wrightentacles, fetish but, yeah, we’ll give that to itself. Tentacles is a fetish thing, apparently.
Eugene: But Edmund said the correct combination.
Benjamin: Oh, did you? Oh, sorry. I’m too busy thinking my own thoughts usually. My apologies, Edmund. Dionne says you’ve got the point there, buddy. It’s a no-go. Right.
[laughter]
Benjamin: Number two, and God, this one’s way too hard. I’m going to judge you so harshly if you know the name of this, but I’m also going to high-five you for knowing this.
Next one. Who once plagiarized a paper on Bitcoin Script, Turing Complete? Part Two of the question, what’s the name for being turned on, get this, getting turned on by being buried alive? That’s a thing apparently.
Eugene: Necrophilia.
[laughter]
Benjamin: Yeah, Greg Wright, TombCare.
[laughter]
Benjamin: I’m going to give you the points just for that one because the word itself doesn’t actually matter.
[laughter]
Benjamin: For those of you who were fascinated by the real words for things, a fetish or a weird term for being buried alive is called Taphephilia, which is kind of oddly appropriate for Bitcoin V holders right now. Sorry. Cheap shots. Cheap shots.
Eugene: Well, I got the second part right, philia.
Benjamin: Well, yeah. Well, your team got the answer anyway, Eugene. No need to get competitive with your own teammate buddy. [laughs] But yeah, the full answer then would have been Craigwritaphe — I’ll try and say that again, Craigwrighttaphephilia. There you go.
Eugene: Craigwrighttaphephilia.
Mitja: That’s a forceful word, for sure.
Benjamin: Yeah, of course. I’ll be honest, I stumbled across the word on Urban Dictionary. I’m like, there is no way I’m going a whole show without telling people this exists. Like, who the fuck is into that?
You meet someone down the bar. You’re like, Hey, so I’m into a bit of kinky stuff.” “Oh, I don’t mind. What are you into?” “Being buried alive.” What? What?
Edmund: Better than hearing that they’re vegan. I’ll take the necrophilia.
[laughter]
Benjamin: That’s a great album name. Rather a necrophilia than a vegan.
[laughter]
Eugene: Or a name for an NFT with this podcast.
Dionne: NFT Necrophilia.
Benjamin: I’m not going to name the podcast NFT Necrophilia.
[laughter]
Benjamin: We will attract the wrong crowds.
[laughter]
Edmund: Season Two.
[laughter]
Benjamin: I’m shattering to think the type of people we would attract. As I pull the best ones out of these last few. Who once plagiarized, are we seeing a trend here kids, a paper on block propagation? What is a gross food slang name for a vagina?
Edmund: Craig Wright Triangle.
[laughter]
Benjamin: Nice.
Dionne: He wins.
Benjamin: Dionne says you win. Now, you’ve won everything. Triangle is the keyword to winning the whole show. But no think Ron’s favorite food stuff is a food stuff name.
It’s not a very polite term. I definitely wouldn’t say it to anyone’s face, but apparently it’s a thing. Think Mexican food.
Eugene: Taco.
Benjamin: Yeah. Yeah, so Craig Wright Taco.
[applause]
Eugene: Yay, taco.
Benjamin: Brave is the man that calls his girlfriend’s vagina a taco, I think. Right. Who wants to plagiarize the blog post on Bitcoin address generation? And what is the name for sliding your Rodger in between a pair of boobies then out again, then in again, then out again?
[laughter]
Utsav: A motorboat.
Benjamin: No motorboat again.
Utsav: Into the face.
Benjamin: Not your face. Your penis, your toja, this time.
[crosstalk]
Eugene: Trying to visualize.
[laughter]
Benjamin: Me too. Me too.
[laughter]
Utsav: Is it titty-fuck, like Craig Wright Titty-Fuck?
Benjamin: Yeah, that will do, man. I was looking for Tit Wank, but Titty-Fuck will do. Craig Wright Titty-Fuck.
[laughter]
Benjamin: We wanted a tit wank but we got a Titty-Fuck. Awesome.
[laughter]
Benjamin: Two more of these just because I was quite proud of these last two. Who once plagiarized a blog post of a script from fucking Wikipedia, who plagiarizes from Wikipedia?
Jesus, you learned that in high school grade. What’s a rhyming way of requesting a hand job, which really makes me laugh and never gets me a hand job.
Mitja: What?
Benjamin: To ask her to give you a, I say, Hey Dionne, will you —
Eugene: Rhyming. [sings]
[laughter]
Benjamin: Have you been speaking to him? How does he know your secret from the turn on his Abbott songs?
[laughter]
Benjamin: I get my Abba costume on and she’s mine.
[laughter]
Benjamin: What rhymes with pickle and starts with a T? Craig Wright tickle my pickle. If you don’t believe me, search it on Urban Dictionary, I’d ask Noam to fact-check me, but he’s already disappeared, I think. He’s got gross out. Right. Final one.
Mitja: Can’t you just say, Craig Wright and get a handjob?
[laughter]
Eugene: Is that a tip for —
Mitja: Simple as that.
[laughter]
Benjamin: You’re putting me off my script here, Mitja. Last one, I apologize in advance for this one, guys.
Who once forged a court document by using a fake key with a typo in it, whose time for which the time stamp on the document actually disproved the document itself, and the name for using salad dressing to hide the taste of performing oral sex on someone’s anus.
I can’t believe I’ve just said that. I think my mum is watching on YouTube. Hi mum.
[laughter]
[crosstalk]
Mitja: Season salad dressing.
Eugene: Something with pizza in it.
[laughter]
Mitja: It should be. [laughs] It must be. I don’t know any other proper salad dressing for the, all of things, the anus.
[laughter]
Eugene: I think it depends whatever done before. [laughs]
[crosstalk]
Edmund: That’s the right answer.
[laughter]
Benjamin: I’ve done 8 episodes without making myself blush or break. Now I’m freaking out. I cannot talk anymore.
[laughter]
Benjamin: Imagine putting salad dressing on the asshole.
[laughter]
Eugene: That’s a great way to end.
[laughter]
Benjamin: Season One.
[crosstalk]
Benjamin: Did anyone say any viable answers then? Sorry, I lost myself for a minute. [laughs]
Utsav: We all lost ourselves.
[laughter]
Utsav: What did he have to do to go from every other —
Eugene: One minute, for sure.
[laughter]
Utsav: Let me tell my friends.
[laughter]
Benjamin: Make sure you don’t use the spicy one.
[laughter]
Edmund: Don’t pretend like every person on this channel is going to go and look in their fridge.
[laughter]
Benjamin: Everyone on YouTube is like, oh.
Mitja: Like your salad dressing.
[crosstalk]
Edmund: Martha Stewart, here’s what you can do with the nice Grecian dressing.
Eugene: Guys, I love you but I got to run. I’m going to explore. I love you.
[crosstalk]
Benjamin: Before you go Eugene, it was Craig Wright tossing the salad, apparently, if you were curious, buddy. Tossing the salad is the term, comes from prison apparently.
[laughter]
Benjamin: That was too far for me, too far from me, guys. What are our final scores, Dionne?
Dionne: Mitja and Utsav have 10. Eugene and Edmund have 11.
[applause]
Mitja: I told you. I told you.
Edmund: Team work. Great team work.
[laughter]
[applause]
Benjamin: That was a great end of the series, guys. Craig Wright, if you’re watching, fuck off. Love you all. Brilliant Edmund. Thank you ever so much. You’re welcome back anytime.
Utsav, of course you’re always welcome. And Mitja Goroshvsky and Eugene Morozov, we’ve been, we’re NeverMind the Shitcoins.
We will be back, I believe toward the end of the month for Series Two, because we definitely have a Series Two, we do, honest. Promise. Yay. Thank you very much, everyone. Bye. Bye-bye.
Mitja: Bye.
Speakers: Bye.
[laughter]
[music]
Benjamin: Hey, guys, it’s been a long day of editing, but I think that’s possibly our best show yet. I hope you agree. If you do, or if you want to win a bit of Bitcoin or some Free TON or some of the t-shirts I mentioned, first things first, you need to go follow us on Twitter.
That’s where I’ll be doing all the giveaway information. I’ll probably post it on Instagram and Facebook too, but Twitter is the place to be really, isn’t it?
[music]
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